Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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