Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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