How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
