i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize