Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
