i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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