can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
