Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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