At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
