I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
