So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Will exercising make me less horny?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
