What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
