if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
