We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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