if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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