I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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