That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
