Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
