So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
