i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
