She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
