You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
this beer tastes like vomit already
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
