I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
