Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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