I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She told me I should be a condom model.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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