Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
