My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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