she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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