You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
