Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
