i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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