Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I looked at my own cervix.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
