from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
