Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
