Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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