don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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