Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
