put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
