Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
