If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
