Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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