How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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