I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
