So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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