i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
