id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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