I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
