Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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