Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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