WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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