I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
