i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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