sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
