Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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