God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
