"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
