So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
