we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
