I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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