I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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