Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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