She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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